I hated my c-section. Hated it. Every single detail about it still bothers me to this day. I feel ripped off, honestly. Everything about my c-section consisted of pain. The epidural still haunts me to this day. The actual proceedings to the surgery where they had to sedate me because I was having a panic attack so I spend the first few hours of my daughter’s life in a drugged haze. When they were doing the actual c-section in itself, it hurt so much. The recovery was dark times in itself. I feel just horribly ripped off and 3 years later I still cry when I watch TV/movies where a mother is able to have a natural birth.
I blamed myself for a long, long time. It felt like my fault. Like I wasn’t good enough or strong enough to give like I was supposed to and it killed me. Like maybe if I hadn’t gotten preclampsia, I wouldn’t have been induced. If I hadn’t gotten the epidural, maybe things would have progressed. It was killing me on the inside.
It’s not my fault though and I know that now. Regardless of, it doesn’t make my daughter’s birth hurt any less.
I didn’t want another child for a long, long time. I was scared to death. Just the idea of being rushed to the OR was enough to bring tears into my eyes and I wasn’t ready for that. When my husband and I talked about trying for our 2nd, I was STILL hesitant because I was SO scared. I didn’t know what was going to happen and I didn’t know how to cope either.
I didn’t know what a VBAC was until after my daughter was born. I didn’t even think it was possible. But the more I looked into it, the more I wanted it. Needed it. But every day it’s a struggle to accept it as a possibility because all I see is another c-section and another heart breaking birth.
What Is a VBAC?
A VBAC, or a vaginal birth after caesarean, is where you successfully are able to have a child born vaginally after a previous c-section. The process in itself is straight forward enough. The journey there is the hardest.
VBACs are surprisingly not well known or widely accepted. They are deemed “dangerous”. All child birth is dangerous. In most cases most women are led to believe that if they have a prior section, they will have sections for the rest of their lives.
This is not true.
In fact, if you look at risk factors:
Risk of hysterectomy: 0.42% / 1 in 238
Risk of blood transfusion: 1.53% / 1 in 65
Risk of placenta accreta: 0.31 / 1 in 323
Risk of major complications: 4.3% / 1 in 23
Risk of dense adhesion: 21.6% / 1 in 5
Chance of success: 63.3% / 2 in 3
Risk of uterine rupture: 0.87% / 1 in 115
Risk of hysterectomy: 0.23% / 1 in 435
Risk of blood transfusion: 1.89% / 1 in 53
I don’t know about you but the risks of a VBAC seem a lot less scary than a repeat section. Not to mention who doesn’t want the chance to be able to push your own child out? For that beautiful moment when they come out and you know you did that. They’re placed on your chest and you did all the work. This is so precious to me, something I want so badly.
VBAC for Me
There’s only one way to say this. VBACs in SWFL are a bitch. I wasn’t able to have my first prenatal/VBAC appointment until I was 17 weeks pregnant because it was SO difficult for me to find a supporting OB/GYN. There is only one OB/GYN that practices VBAC in a 50-75 mile radius of where I live and I have to drive over an hour just to go to my appointments/when I deliver. It’s frustrating. All my surrounding hospitals have banned VBACs.
This process has been extremely frustrating but I won’t give up. I will try everything in my power until I’m either pushing out a baby or on the OR table. No matter what I just want my baby healthy but I’ll fight with every ounce of my strength for a VBAC.